Seeing My Mom After She Passed
For me, the anticipation of my mom leaving this world was daunting. I think knowing we had limited time over the past 27 months was a gift. We had time to say all the things, to make some more memories and to reassure each other how much we love each other. Truly, it was a memorable two years. However, in December when the doctor told us it was our last Christmas, I had some trouble processing the thought. I believe in Heaven; I see people's loved ones in heaven on the regular, but what would it be like for me?
I asked her to come to me after she left this world. I held her pouring love in her as she took her last breath and watched the door I normally see through close. It was devastating to me. How would I do everyday without a phone call? Who would talk me off the ledge? How do you keep going on being perky and happy when your world crashes to a halt?
It's been a painful month. I waited for her. I looked at my phone knowing she wouldn't call, but wanting her to anyway. I couldn't take her number off my car console. I prayed, and journaled and cried. My grief was thick and heavy, but I kept processing and returning to her love. I knew she would come eventually just like my grandparents had, but when? And what would she say when she came? Honestly, I just wanted her to come and say, "I get you now even more." Nothing prepared me for the peace of what she said when she did come. It was so much more than I get you.
I was sitting in meditation last week almost four weeks after my dear mom passed away. I wasn't expecting to see her. In my quieted mind, all of a sudden, I was being taken to a memory that I had forgotten. I was 4 or 5 walking on the beach on Sanibel Island in June. My little hand was in hers and she was looking down at me smiling. I felt so much joy fill my heart as her love poured into me. Then, I was sitting on a bench by the sea look at the waves with my mom next to me in the present. I felt her energy blend creating a warmth on my cheeks as her energy held my face. And then I heard her, "My dearest darling daughter." My heart soared and ached all at the same time. Over the past few months, this was our routine. She would touch my cheeks and say these sweet words to me with all the tenderness and love that was in her soul. I knew it was what I would miss most, but never thought that she would still offer me this same soul filling love in this way from the other side. I basked in it, reveled at her presence. My grief lightened in an instant as joy filled me.
And then she spoke. She explained her life and my life and how we are different. She assured me that her life was happy and wonderful and what she chose. Then she told me that it wasn't for me, but that I was to live outside the box. I wrote it all down as she spoke and perhaps one day I will share it all, but not today. I sat with her and she sat with me. Her final words that afternoon were so profound that I will share them. "This will be better in a way because now I can meet you outside the box in everything and everywhere. It is vast. Be vast my dear daughter, be big. Keep expanding."
And so this is me expanding in love. For her love is always here. It's in my words, it's in my thoughts, it's in my garden. It rises up to meet me when I am sad or lost or afraid. I am no longer separated. And while I cry soft tears as I type these words, I know she is here telling me to be big and encourage the world to heal and be love.
If you have a loved one that you feel separate from, miss and long to see, I am sorry for your loss. I know the pain it causes. I am here though to offer you a glimpse, a hope and a reminder that their love is still with you. It wraps around you, cheers you on and always hopes the best for you. Living without "your person" is hard. I felt like I lost my best friend and mom all in one exhale. But, she isn't lost, she is here and your person isn't lost, they are there with you.
I am grateful for my gift of "sight" and to know the etheric realm. I know it is a gift that eases my grief, and I want to offer you peace in your grief. I have recorded a guided meditation that several clients have used to meet their loved ones in the quiet space between the worlds. I have attached it to this blog in the hopes that you can "see" your person again. Don't overthink it, just follow my words in the meditation. Invite your love to meet you in the space that you create. I hope with all my heart that it brings you comfort, love and perhaps even joy at a reunion.