People Will Like Me If I am Nice, Right?
I am what people refer to as Midwest Nice. I had some awesome clients from the East coast years ago and they would joke with me and tell me to stop being so Midwest nice. We would all laugh, and I would try to talk more aggressively during our negotiations. To them, it was just business; but for me, I wanted them to like me.
I remember the first time this concept came up. It was during an Accunect balance and I was supposed to be releasing the belief, "People will like me if I am nice." As Alma, my mentor and friend, started to tap for the balance, I was sitting there thinking about the belief and holding onto it in my mind. I finally said, "that's true isn't it." She said, "No, it's not true at all." I said, "But I was told as a child to be nice to people so they would like me." To me, that belief was absolutely true in my subconscious, and I had spend 30 some years trying to prove it right. She gently told me that no matter how nice I was to some people they still wouldn't like me. I know that it sounds so basic, but for a people pleaser this was a novel concept that I knew in my mind, but my subconscious programming was not on board.
We may think a thought cognitively and "know" it to be the truth, but if we have an underlying subconscious belief that we inherited or agreed to when we were younger, then we will constantly be sabotaged by the preprogrammed belief. I have worked at undoing that program for several years and because I can be stubborn, I have had to release that same old belief two more times during sessions with Alma. We would just chuckle and work on it again.
I am happy to report, that between the energy work releasing it for me and working on reprogramming it in my subconscious by thinking new thoughts and changing my words to I am kind to all beings, I have finally released it. For me, this is new freedom because now, I don't have to take it so personally when someone doesn't like me. They just may not like me; no big deal. I will be me, they can be them, and I tell my inner recovering people pleaser that it is ok. This feels like a breath of fresh air to me. It's too much pressure to believe that everyone will like me; and if they don't, it's because I wasn't nice enough.
What about you? What belief is holding you back? Is it this one or perhaps perfectionism like I talked about last blog? Maybe it is something entirely different. I would encourage you to take a look inside at your deepest beliefs (or have a friend help you) and pick one that isn't working anymore. It is never to late to change your mind and create a new more liberating pattern!