What’s Me, and What’s Not? A Daily Practice of Returning to Myself

When my mentor in mediumship told me I needed to learn, “What’s you, and what’s not you.” I almost laughed. I thought, Well, that’s silly—I obviously know what’s mine and what’s not.

But the more I sat with the question, the deeper it went.

It started with mediumship—discerning what feelings, sensations, and thoughts were mine, and what belonged to the spirit I was blending with. Learning this helped me become a clearer channel in readings. I could get out of the way and simply allow the connection to unfold.

But then something profound happened:I brought that question into my everyday life.

Was that belief mine… or not mine?

Was that social gathering aligned with me… or not me?

Was that thought truly mine… or something I’d been programmed to think?

This one question became my pruning shears, helping me lovingly trim away anything in my life that wasn’t mine.

As an empath, I’ve spent most of my life feeling everything and everyone around me. The edges of where I ended and others began were blurry at best. I took on emotions, pain, expectations—even other people’s responsibilities. No wonder I often felt overwhelmed.

But when I started asking, Is that mine to do? Is that mine to carry? Is that mine to worry about?—something beautiful happened.

Clarity.

Freedom.

Self-trust.

This question helped me stop enabling, stop overfunctioning, and stop being on call for everyone else’s emotions. It helped me start curating a life that feels truly me. It let me leave what wasn't mine at my office so I could be present to my life. It let me separate others feeling to be clear on how I felt.

It isn't always a comfortable practice.There’s often a period of cognitive dissonance as I untangle from my old roles, beliefs, or identities I thought were me—but were really just layers of social programming, family patterns, or survival strategies.

Sometimes I grieve the parts I have let go of. Sometimes I feel the stretch of growing into my authentic self. And sometimes, yes, often—there’s a quiet, sacred joy in the remembering.

Because on the other side of that question is something priceless: belonging to yourself.

This isn’t a one-time realization. It’s a daily practice. A gentle check-in. A garden I tend with intention and love.

Throughout the day, I still ask:

• Is that mine?

• Is that what I want—or what someone else wants from me?

• Is this decision aligned—or am I shrinking to fit?

The more I ask, the clearer I get.The clearer I get, the happier I become. And the more fully I can show up—for myself, and for those I serve.

So I offer you this question today: What’s you… and what’s not?

What are you doing out of habit or “shoulds” that just don’t fit anymore?What would happen if you stopped squeezing yourself into something that isn’t yours?

In the words of my mother from the other side during our conversations about me trying to fit in the olf box of expectations that she created for me while living,“The universe is vast. Be vast, my dear child. You are meant to expand.”